First I suppose you need to know my street cred before putting together a list of things I hate about running, and judging both running as a sport, and other runners. Here goes…
I’ve been running for two years, ten or so half marathons, four marathons, several challenges…and I haven’t won a single one! In summation: I’m totally unqualified to judge.
So let’s get started!
- Everyone says they’re slow. Including ALL the people who are way faster than me. “That’s ok, I/we will run slower and stay together.” No you won’t. You’ll smoke me and leave me in the dust.
- Running capris. It has to be over 90 degrees F for me to wear shorts in public. So I tend to wear running capris. For you dudes out there, this is a cross between a short and a pant. Why do they have to be like pulling sausage casings over my tree-trunkish-type legs? You should see the contortions I have to maneuver to get them on.
- To quote a few of my running friends, and even more friends who don’t run: Running is stupid. You are correct! I’m not going to argue. We are clearly insane. Send help.
- Running selfies. (This one’s going to lose me some friends). When I’m done running, I’m a hot, sweaty, lobster-faced mess! I have actually been so red-faced, a guy asked me if I was ok. I don’t need a picture to commemorate that. But all of you who look awesome after you run: 1. I hate you, and 2. Right on. Please tell me you’re faking something about that awesome pic, though.
- 5k’s… 3.1 miles. It’s a three mile sprint, and I’m not made for that. I’m the tortoise. I truly, madly, deeply feel that running sucks until about mile 5. It’s a shame that you have to run 5 miles to get to the good part.
- Race photos. I secretly think race photographers get a giggle at how bad they can make me look while I’m running. Because I don’t look THAT bad, right?
- Runners who are younger than me (or older) and can get away with any of the following: not training, loping off looking like a gazelle at the start, turning to me at the 10k of a half marathon and yelling, “It’s my first 10k!” I’m looking at you, Casey.
- Race math, and math in general. Example: I’m trucking along at a decent clip during the Cowtown half marathon. I think I’m doing well, trying not to obsess over my Garmin. So I don’t look at it until the 10k mark. I’m thrilled when I see it! Because doubled, it means I’m looking at a PR! Except doubling 6.2 is only 12.4, nooooot 13.1 miles. And I don’t figure this out until a mile later. Because hey, running is hard and takes energy and brain power away from my clearly lackluster math skills.
- Gatorade. The only thing good about it is the Ted Striker drinking problem scenes from Airplane!
- Running on the surface of the sun. Summer running is the pits. But people tell me summer training is how you build your fall PR. See #3.
The list of things I hate about running is longer than this, but these are the most egregious. What do you hate most about running? Let me know in the comments below!